Back to Writing / 5-10-2005

Photo by Nadya Lev.

The small and mighty Apnea can appear soft, sensual and seductive as effortlessly as she can pull off a bad ass eat-shit look. In both cases, her eyes are always piercing and cavernous, and her form is tiny perfection. We are drawn to her, tempted by her and scared of her all at once.

Apnea's popularity has expanded exponentially through the SuicideGirls, where she's become one of their top models, but she doesn't let it get to her head. She still tells it how it is, puts you in your place and does what she wants with her life. We spoke with her about modeling, her busy days, and those damn Goths who cling to her a like a disease.

Sez G: When did you hook up with SuicideGirls? How did that happen?

Apnea: October 2003. When I first saw the site, I remember I was a little intimidated and wondered if they would accept my application f I ever applied. Not 24 hours after that, the owner of SG sent Philip [aka Lithium Picnic, Apnea's boyfriend] an instant message inviting us on board. Funny how things work out like that sometimes.

Sez G: How has being one of their premiere ladies changed your career?

Apnea: Between SuicideGirls and Lithium Picnic, I probably wouldn't have much of a career. I'm very lucky that I'm well received on the site. I was featured on through SuicideGirls, and I've met some great people. It's a lot of fun. Occasionally another model will try to stir up some shit with me, but eventually they get bored and leave me alone.

Sez G: I imagine you dish it as well as you take it! You seem damn busy. You're in school right now...What are you studying? And do you still work at a hair salon?

Apnea: I am damn busy. It's damn exhausting. It's to the point where if I go to the bathroom, I feel like there's something more important I should be doing. I'm studying biochemistry right now, and considering a minor in alt-modeling. I hope people know I'm joking about the minor….[grin]

Yes, I work in a hair salon, but I'm not a hairdresser. My business cards say "Salon Coordinator", but I'm thinking about changing it to say "I do everything the owners should be doing."

Sez G: Tell me about the tattoos on your arm.

Apnea: Philip and I drew on each other with a marker for half an hour before we came up with a design we liked. Then we decided to get the tattoo that same night.

I could tell you that 3 is a powerful number, and the 4 sides of the squares multiplied by 3 equals 12, then after one adds its digits, 1 plus 2, the final answer is 3, therefore giving us magical powers… but I didn't come up with that until after we got it. And I think it's a load of crap. People get offended when they ask what it means, and I tell them it means nothing. They feel like I'm withholding secret information because they aren't cool enough.

Sez G: Ha, well, they might not be cool enough, but I guess it's unrelated. How did you come to be called Apnea?

Apnea:Changing my name seemed like the right thing to do when I joined SG. If I knew how popular I was to become, I wouldn't have chosen the name of a disease. The last thing I need is another good reason for the Goth community to embrace me. But anyway, I have studied dream interpretations and sleep stuff for awhile, so I've used other handles like "Myoclonic jerk" and "Apneatic" on other websites. Philip saw a poetic metaphor in the name Apnea, and I thought it sounded cool.

Sez G: What's the Houston fetish scene like? Do you play in it much?

Apnea: No, I am as inactive as possible in the "scene." It's a bunch of Goth kids that put on a bondage collar and call themselves fetishists.

Sez G: Are you still living off of toast and bagels?

Apnea: I've upgraded to brie and pineapple.

Sez G: How often do you shoot with Lithium Picnic? Are those shoots easier for you than with other photographers?

Apnea: We used to shoot all of the time. We were like peas and carrots with cameras. Then everyone noticed how extremely talented he is, and my hours were cut short. But between my school work, and all of the other work-related crap I find myself running into, it adjusts perfectly for both of us. And we still find time to shoot.

The great thing about waiting so long between shoots is that we have a chance to plan and to try to make the next image better than the last. I wouldn't say it's easier, but it is much more relaxed. It's less like work, and more about having fun.

Sez G: In addition to looking super hot, what else do you like to do?

Apnea: I love going to the beach, but unfortunately the closest beach is Galveston. That explains the pale skin. When I get bored, I like to make up math problems then try to solve them. I love reading. I like playing with make-up. Sometimes when I get stressed out, I drive around aimlessly, smoking cigarettes and listening to music. And if I get lucky, Philip will take me into the driveway and give me a lesson on knife fighting.

Sez G: Varied interests! What's coming up for you in the future?

Apnea:I'll keep going to school. Hopefully I'll make it through graduate school and find some cushy job in a drug lab. Then I can retire early, take up drinking, and just sit around the house all day catalog-shopping or trying to come up with the formula for some mind-controlling substance. In the short term, I'll go on with my daily routine and try to fit in photo shoots amidst all of the madness.

You can learn more about this fierce vixen at

Click the images to enlarge.

Apnea - by Sez G